NOBODY likes a cheating partner — not even a man who is himself being unfaithful.
While it has become widely accepted that men will cheat, many people still cannot accept the idea that women, too, might cheat. Even cheating men demand and expect loyalty from their partners.
Counsellor and president of True Heroes Under God (THUG) Ministry, Dawit Jeffery, says the notion of cheating men and loyal women is fuelled more by culture than genetics.
“The 'man fi have nuff gal and gal inna bungle' mentality has really got us,” the counsellor said. “Men and women have been indoctrinated in our culture, that when a man has multiple partners he has strength, he's hyped and he's the real deal (gyallis). Sadly, this is reinforced through our music to each generation, and where the problems lie is that, over the years, it has not been corrected.
“It has been embraced or ignored, and it has caused significant issues in our culture; it has become a part of us,” the THUG Ministry president said.
Jeffery said that the male ego plays a big part in men believing that they can cheat but expect their partners to be faithful.
“We expect to cheat on females but we should not be cheated on,” he admitted. “This comes into play because of the egotistic side of men, and the power-bound mentality that some men have. There are men who believe that, as the head [of the household], there are certain things that only they should do, and that women should live with it because he is providing for the needs of the female.”
Why do men cheat?
The counsellor pointed out some of the main reasons men say they cheat in the first place:
1. Women stop looking attractive
“The first thing a guy sees when he meets you is your physical features — how you looked grabbed his attention,” he explained. “Women have a tendency to get so comfortable in a relationship that they no longer spend time taking care of how they look. A man feels good knowing that his girl is all dolled up and other guys are out there making moves at her but can't get her, because she is his own.”
“Yes, men can be petty,” he reasoned. “Sometimes it's a case where women cheated on a man in the past, and the man found out that other individuals around him knew and he was the last to find out. In trying to prevent this disrespect and embarrassment again, he decides to play before he gets played.
3. To escape a relationship, temporarily
“Women talk a lot, sometimes,” he pointed out. “Sometimes women tend to argue over the same things, repeatedly, and it becomes annoying to the man. He may encounter another woman and get attached to her because she doesn't become a headache.”
What would you do?
All Woman asked some men who confessed to either cheating on their current partners or a previous one, how they would react to their women cheating on them. Here are their responses:
Sean, 29, customer care agent:
If I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me, the relationship done right there so. Men cheat for physical reasons, but women cheat from the heart. And if her heart isn't in the relationship, that means it done already.
Micah, 26, medical intern:
There is no coming back after a woman cheats and you find out. I cheated in the past and when the girl found out she tried to forgive, but she kept being insecure and it just couldn't work, so it had to end because she couldn't get over it. Now I know that if my girl gives me 'bun', I can't go even look at her without thinking how the next man have her, so she better not think about it (cheating).
Mark, 33, technician:
I think if a woman cheats and lets you find out, it's because she wants to spite you or end things with you. So I would definitely move on. Women are good at hiding things. You won't just find out about a fling if it's a one-off thing.
— Candiece Knight