HAVE you ever applied for more than one job at the same time and as soon as you find a job that you are comfortable with, tonnes of job offers start flooding in? Well, sometimes love is much like this, and fortunately or unfortunately, especially in a world where double dating is rapidly becoming the norm, love will knock at our doors at the most inopportune times. When this happens, sometimes a person might find themselves loving both people at once, and deciding how to navigate this terrain can be quite tricky. But not only is it possible, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said that it is necessary.
“No matter how difficult it may be, nobody deserves to be strung along, therefore you need to make a decision as tough as it may be about whom you want to be with,” Powell advised.
Using the popular chorus from Peter Yarrow's 1976 pop song Torn between two lovers as a point of reference, Powell said that love triangles, which the song describes, often result in painful and sometimes bitter endings.
“There is this mistaken notion that some men have that they can equally provide time and effort to the wife and the sweetheart. But the truth is one partner demands and deserves your undivided attention and any attempt to do otherwise is to short-change the commitment to that person,” Powell advised.
He said although it is possible that you can have strong feelings for both, it would be selfish and taking a great risk if you were to continue fooling around with both.
“You have to make a decision to choose the one that you believe will ultimately fulfil your needs and expectations. It is senseless to believe that you can walk this emotional tightrope without losing your balance,” Powell warned.
He said that the same message applies to women who feel that they have their emotions under control and can expertly manage strong feelings for two men.
“The fact is, eventually one will get the edge and now you are in a quandary trying to figure out how to let go of the other one, especially if he has invested heavily in the relationship,” he said.
Powell said that these situations also carry the additional risk of an increase in the possibility of violent physical and emotional exchanges. Conflicts and confrontations are likely to happen, especially if the person already has an established relationship and/or when one person is completely oblivious to the existence of another romantic partner. This can also be quite embarrassing for all parties involved.
In general, Powell's formula for saving yourself from the pain and headache is pretty simple: Make a choice. When choosing, Powell said to consider all that is important to you. What are your needs? Is your dream man or woman affectionate, Christian, in a steady job and honest, for example? Do you both hold the same morals? Do you have a similar value system? You may also want to consider things like which of their habits you are able to live with.
When you have made your choice, Powell said the next thing to do is stand by your decision. If it doesn't work out, make a clean break and move on, but never leave the relationship in limbo to resume your search and/or entertain other people while you still have unfinished matters in an existing relationship.