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Things best left unsaid when in a new relationship

BY PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, June 19, 2017

 

A new relationship signals a fresh start, one that should be built on honesty and integrity. Sometimes opening the baggage of your past has the power to drive a wedge between you and the man of your dreams, but concealing all your skeletons, according to relationship counsellor Wayne Powell, could be a greater threat than coming clean in the first place.

“Self-disclosure should be done as soon as both partners are contemplating a steady relationship. Withholding certain personal information could negatively impact the relationship, so you want to always be open and honest. Nothing except confidential information should be secret,” Powell reasoned.

So what information can be kept confidential?

 

1. Your sexual history

If your partner wants to know if you were sexually active, it's only fair to tell him the truth. However, it would not be necessary to list the names and locations of your previous lovers.

 

2. If you have a criminal record

If you were arrested and charged, disclosure is prudent; however, the comprehensive details are best left unsaid. You don't want to scare the person off. Only divulge details of the incident which led to your arrest if your significant other asks.

 

3. If you experienced abuse of any kind

If you were physically or sexually abused, it may make sense for your partner to know this, because unresolved issues may create sexual problems as the relationship develops. Again, the details are best left unsaid. However, if it is affecting your relationship with the person, then you should get professional help.

 

4. Details of circumstances surrounding childbirth

If you have children from former relationships, the where, why, and how they were conceived are best left unsaid. Also, you may not want to share details of an abortion if you had one, especially if it has not affected your fertility.

 

5. Details about your ex

Nothing can be more annoying than someone constantly talking about her ex. One thing in particular that you should avoid is talking about intimate details from the past. Don't keep repeating what he would have done and mentioning how he did something that you liked. No one likes being compared, and these details could significantly change how your new man sees you

 

6. That you have expensive tastes

Your partner should be aware that you have a taste for the finer things of life, but demanding an expensive birthday gift would be best left unsaid, especially if you know that your partner is not financially able to fulfil your requests. Also, if you don't think that you can live a humbler life than the one to which you are accustomed, consider this before making a commitment that you know you won't be able to stand by.